It is exactly 4:18 am as I write this and once again I find myself being unable to sleep. I should state that I did get to bed around 10 last night and so I have already had 6 hours, far more than the normal 3 hours per night I have had in the past year or so.
So many things racing through my head I thought that I might write down what they are in an attempt to perhaps put them to bed… at least for another couple hours so I can get a little more shut-eye.
First and foremost in my thoughts is my Pixie. I know she is safe and that I have little to worry about, but it can’t be helped. Having a loved one in a war zone makes you think of what is going on over there. More than that… I think about the things that she has seen that she doesn’t / can’t talk about. All of these thoughts are completely irrational. But I think them anyway.
I wonder what my daughter is up to and the troubles and trials she faces as a pre-teen. So many things are happening earlier for children these days. Their bodies are developing earlier and therefore so do their interest in each other. They are exposed to drugs sooner. They take on stresses associated with achievement (academic, athletic and otherwise). I can’t help but wonder if I have done a good enough job to get her ready for it all. Have I let her know that she doesn’t have to be afraid to talk to me if something serious is on her mind? And how am I going to handle it should something happen where she is in trouble of some sort? Do I have the tools to handle these events myself? Am I a good example to that precious gift I was given 11 years ago?
Is this house ever going to sell? Will my clients accept the proposals I made last week? Should I replace this laptop since it seems to be crapping out already or should I try to get it repaired? When will I see my Pixie again? Are my Carolina Hurricanes going to play well this year? What am I going to have for supper tomorrow? Am I ever going to get the handle on how to 5-pin bowl consistently? What should I get for my next tattoo and where? How are my friends and family doing? Am I a good friend… someone that people think they can trust? Have I hurt anyone with action/inaction? How long is the laundry going to take me today? Where does the future lie for my career? When exactly am I going to get some bloody sleep? Am I going to get a chance to get out and golf again this year? What is going to happen when I die? How will I be remembered? Is there any milk in the fridge for cereal before work?
*Sigh*…It’s now 4:42. I think I could get to sleep… but with so many unanswered questions…how can I?
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