The Canadien/Canes Conundrum

Ned Flanders would call this situation a “dilly of a pickle”.

Today my beloved Carolina Hurricanes fired their head coach of many years Paul Maurice and hired on Kirk Muller.

It is a move that pleases and torments me on a number of levels.

As a hockey move, clearly this is something that had to be done for the sake of the team.  This squad is mired in a funk that threatens to cost them their entire season should things not turn around quickly.  The players had stopped responding to Maurice and were just not performing to the level required of a team that will even make the playoffs never mind win a Cup as they did in 2006. 

I had the pleasure of meeting Maurice outside a coffee shop during my “Pilgrimage to the Holy Land” a couple years ago, and I have to say I was thrilled and stunned at the man’s gracious and friendly nature.   He spoke with me and my partner, Carolyn at great length and only after a lengthy 15 minute visit did he excuse himself as he had to catch a flight to Florida with the team.

It was a great thrill for me to speak with him and it is a big part of the many fond memories I have as part of that trip.  So, while I know that his firing was needed to save the season for the team, it was very sad for me to see such a wonderful human without a job.

But that is really not where the REAL turmoil lies for me.

It is the hiring of a man that is very near the top of my list of “Most Hated Athletes”.

While Kirk Muller has played for a number of teams throughout his hockey career, it can be argued (at least in Canada) that the team he is most associated with is the Montreal Canadiens. 

Now... those of you who know me, know of my hatred for this squad, so clearly I do not have to go over this for you as it is redundant, boring and for some, proof that I indeed need a form of around the clock counselling...(Carolyn calls it “Raymond, get a grip!”... but I digress)

I remember regarding him with utter and complete disdain as he would score key goals or make a strong defensive play or draw a penalty against my beloved Hartford Whalers, and follow his excellent performance by mugging for the damn cameras in the post game interviews instead of looking at the reporters that asked the question with that smug, confident smile that only seemed to rub salt into the open wounds he inflicted upon my pro sports fan ego. 

Having this man that I have hated for years step into a role to lead the team that I love instantly made me cringe and wretch in revulsion.

I know what you are thinking... “Carolyn is right, Raymond.  You need to get a bloody grip! Why don’t you just think of him as a New Jersey Devil or Dallas Star or Florida Panther instead of a Hab.  Why torture yourself” (...okay... most of you are just thinking that I should get a grip and that is it!)

I have been thinking about this all day and wondering how exactly I would explain this properly to those who don’t understand or dismiss my dismay in such a manner.

And it dawned on me.

I would ask you all to picture yourselves as Republicans...better yet I would like you to consider yourselves Tea Party members.  For my friends in Canada... picture yourselves as Conservatives or better yet, Alberta Conservatives.

You have very strong beliefs that you have grown with and that you hold dear.  And you look at the Democrats/Liberal are a pox on society that will drag your country into the mire the likes of which will never be recovered from. (For the record I think this belief is exactly what is wrong with politics these days, but that is another blog posting for another day)

The time has come to select a leader for your party.  A person who is determined to be best suited to bring your party to power and institute the changes you want to see in order to have your country become successful and flourish.

Now imagine the Republicans selected Barack Obama to lead you to the White House in 2012...

And for my fellow Canucks who would be (Albertan) Conservatives... picture Pierre Elliot Trudeau as your leader...

Admit it... you just threw up in your mouth a little didn’t you?  I am not afraid to call you a liar if you tell me you didn’t feel that tiny bit of revulsion.

Those men are probably the most polarizing and hated individuals by their opponents in the history of politics (at least in Canada that is a safe statement... perhaps my American friends would be able to find a more hated Democrat leader)

And if we are all honest with ourselves the reason why they are so hated is because deep down...waaayyyyyyy down in some cases, we respected them for what they were capable of accomplishing for our opponents.

That is the case for me.

Deep down in a place that I don’t care to admit actually exists, I have respect for the accomplishments of Kirk Muller and believe that he can indeed bring some much needed change to our squad.  I think he has the tools to be an excellent leader and bring success to the team that we Canes fans so desperately seek.

And should he be able to turn this season around and get my beloved Canes into the playoffs and perhaps beyond...I will be both delighted AND repulsed at once.

I will wrap this up by repeating an message to Hurricanes GM Jim Rutherford that I made earlier in a message board group only partly in jest.

This torture you are putting me through...  had better pay off. 

And now to find a decent mental health professional...

"Nope... it's not in THERE!"

For the first time in 6 years, I am without my goatee.

Silly though it may seem, the simple act of shaving is kind of a big deal for me since... well, to slightly alter a popular tune from My Fair Lady...”I’ve become accustom to my face”.

Aside from the fact that the goatee hid 2 of the three chins that I have developed thanks to a ridiculous increase in neck fat, I always thought it gave me an air of maturity that I enjoyed.  Of course the second that I open my mouth that maturity quite often disappears, but I think that is a topic better suited for a future blog entry.

What has forced this drastic action which I took the liberty of executing LIVE on air this morning?

Check your calendars... it is MOVEMBER 1^st.

A time where thousands of men all over North America (and around the World as I see upon joining the cause) grow moustaches to raise awareness about prostate health and the importance of getting a regular prostate exam.

I am not sure that I completely understand the connection between a moustache and having the Doc jelly up his finger to give you the ole “How ya’ doin’?”, but there are many things I will never see the connection to. 

One thing that I do see... and that is the importance of getting a regular health exam that includes a prostate exam.  Prostate Cancer is the second leading cause of deaths by cancer in men, but is certainly survivable if detected early.

While the digital rectal exam may FEEL like it takes an eternity, it is really quite quick and is probably the best gift any man can give himself in the way of health.  Not only that, it can also provide you an opportunity at comedy unlike any other.

I can’t believe I am going to share this with the world...

So there I am getting my health check and it’s time for the DRE (Do you think that is what DRE stands for in Dr. Dre? Moving on...) and I am lying on the exam table in the Fetal position, pants and underwear around my ankles.

 I read up on the exam before I went in and it said to make sure you breathe deeply and to try to relax and it seems to help as the DRE began.  I understand why they advise you to breathe because the shock damn near took my breath away.  But soon enough it was over and my Doctor politely said “Alright Raymond.  All done, you can get up now.”

I no sooner started to think to myself that it really wasn’t all that bad an ordeal, when my doctor said something that I made me laugh hysterically. 

I will never forget it.  He patted the breast pocket of his shirt and looked down quizzically and said...

“Where did I put my pen?”

My uncontrollable laughter made him give me a look as though I had lost my mind until I asked him if he realised what he had said. 

Once I told him that he had asked a question of himself that he CLEARLY did not mean to be spoken aloud...he smiled and blushed a little, while I told him that I knew where it wasn’t.

My doctor has since retired (no not because of this incident either) and I am on the lookout for a new one.  And yes, if you must know, I am basing a great deal of my selection process on the width of my future doctor’s fingers.

Regardless of the digital girth... one thing remains the same.  Prostate exams are important, and ALL men should get them on a regular basis along with their annual health check to ensure that they are free of symptoms.

Now... all stories aside I am going to throw this out there for you the blog reader.

If you had even the slightest giggle or chuckle upon reading this rather interesting personal experience... I would ask that you please visit my Movember website and make whatever donation you are capable of making in support of the prostate cancer research cause.  (Or if someone close to you is raising money... make sure you donate to them.)

http://www.movember.com/m/1973490

I will post some updated pictures of my face, what it looked like normally, what it looks like today, and updated pics on the progress of the moustache and all its glory.  I am going to go with the Frank Zappa style I think... a combination of the Ned Flanders Cookie Duster (or the 70’s porn ‘stache if you wish) and a little “Soul Patch” under the lip for flava...

Thanks for your time...and gentlemen... what are you waiting for? Get your appointment for that exam NOW...there are pens to be lost... and found...