Ever get the feeling as though your wheels are spinning? Not really sure what is happening or what to do next?
Through many of the events in my past, not knowing what I needed to do to change my situation lead inevitably to the outright fear of changing it at all. Fearing that I was once again making the wrong decision and that I would most certainly be unhappier than I am now.
“After all you made big changes before Raymond...and look where it got you?”
Self doubt is a huge hurdle that I deal with on a nearly daily basis. For some reason I have convinced myself that while I have tons of ideas and advice on how to help others, and am willing to do so at the drop of a hat...I lack the ability to help myself.
There is a great deal of my life that I am not satisfied with and loath frankly...but because of fear, self-doubt and complete lack of confidence, I am left barely treading water...frustrating myself and the people around me who love me and know that I am capable of so much more.
So, finally I decide enough is enough and I get the ball rolling on several fronts. No more Mr. Nice Guy... ok... I am still Mr. Nice Guy, I’m just not gonna stand around and let the world happen around me anymore
And now that I have made the necessary decisions and moves to put myself on the path I wish to be on...I discover that things are TRULY out of my hands. And so I wait...which made me think of this Simpson’s clip...
The song by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, perfectly describes Homer’s feelings as he waits for the State rule 5 days before he is allowed to purchase a gun. Now I am not looking to purchase a weapon at all (although truth be told there are times when I feel like I am gonna snap, making a weapon pretty handy around that time), however the angst that I am feeling at the moment is getting difficult to handle.
I just find it frustrating that now I’ve finally found the nerve to get something done the power is no longer in my hands to get the result I desire. (and yes I am well aware that I brought all of my current situation on myself and that if I want to blame someone for the current predicament I find myself in I need look no further than in the mirror.)
Of course, I know things can be worse (as I stated clearly in my last posting) so I am not complaining... I am just making a frustrated observation that I have had just about enough of the waiting.
“The waiting is the hardest part,
every day you get one more yard,
You take it on faith,
you take it to the heart
the waiting is the hardest part” –Tom Petty
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