I have lost count. An exaggeration of that feeling of joy never felt before. It pops out of your mouth so easily that it can lose true meaning after time.
Now I would like to think that I have used the phrase properly throughout my life. As a child, most times it was tied to receiving birthday or Christmas presents. As a teenager, I didn't go on many... oops misspelled that...should be ANY dates... so I tied that phrase to achievements in sports. Provincial championships in Fastball, My first ever no-hitter; Basketball games where I shot the lights out (thanks to help from great coaching and some amazing teammates). Later on in life, it was the first concert I ever went to...Pearl Jam of course...
Each time I would like to say I was using the phrase, incrementally. Although some might argue surviving brain surgery for an aneurysm when I was 16 MIGHT have topped all of those without question... I would argue that, as a kid, you just don't know any better, and your perspective is skewed. And besides, that phrase may have been reserved for a couple of other very important people in my life... and I had no intention of taking it from them. (Love you Mom and Dad)
Moving on.
I have lost count how many times I have said it, but I know exactly when I stopped saying it. It was on THIS day 16 years ago when this young woman was born.
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| My Sweetpea! |
I have wanted to be a Dad since I was about 20-21. I think it is the greatest and most important job any man could ever have. And when Taylor's mom was pregnant, I was beside myself excited. And I was every bit the corny soon-to-be father you see on television. I would read Shakespeare and play Pearl Jam to her in her mother's womb. (I know, I know... give it a rest with the Pearl Jam will ya Raymond... to you I say... NEVER!)
Finally, the day came. It was a pretty long delivery... certainly not the easiest experience for her mother. But finally, she was here. And of course I am crying now even thinking about that very moment.
The Doc scooped her up and had me cut the cord. And soon she was wrapped in her towel and I was holding her. I can't recall if those medical books say it's babies or dogs that can't see all that well when they are born... so I decided that I would do the one thing I had been doing for the past 9 months and talk to her.
And as I moved my finger around her neck and chest, she reached up and grabbed it... and she has had me wrapped around her fingers ever since.
THAT, my friends... was the GREATEST day of my life.
As I said, I believe being a dad is the most important job any man could ever have. And I take that responsibility very seriously. Because, let's face it - you don't get a manual with children - and girls in particular are not especially easy. (I know boys have their challenges too, I don't have a son, but I have been told that they can be a handful as well and I trust those parents judgment.)
As Taylor's Dad I have always wanted to show to her that there are just 2 things she needs to remember.
1. Daddy will ALWAYS love you. No matter what. ALWAYS!
2. You can achieve ANYTHING you want when you set your mind to it. And that your Dad will do anything and everything I can to help you along the way.
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| I hid this picture for a long time... worried about boys! |
Over the years, I was the Dad who would cut out of work early (Sorry, Boss) to go read Lemony Snickett's Series of Unfortunate Events to her class one day a week. I was the Dad who, to this day, let out a Ric Flair "WOOOOO!" at the end of her dance routines just for that chance to see her giggle, despite the elbow to the side I would get and the strange looks from other parents who would say "that type of behavior isn't appreciated"
And there were some AWESOME times.
But every coin has two sides... and there are difficult times too. Times when a Dad has to be a parent.
AND MAN DO THEY SUCK!
The very first time there was any real discipline was walking her out of a store to go wait in the car with her when she was about 4. It was also the first time she screamed out "I HATE YOU!" I was able to keep my cool and say "That's okay Taylor, because I still love you. And we are still going to the car."; but inside my heart was breaking. No manual for when THAT happens.
Of course I got over it, and grew as a parent as she grew. And watching her achievements just made me more proud every day.
Of course, with that you have to be careful too. With those achievements you have to be sure that you don't put too much pressure on them not to make them feel like the only way you will love them is if they keep succeeding, but in the same respect, helping them set goals; asking them what they would like in their life, and then helping them reach those goals by showing them what is needed to achieve it.
It is a fine balance. But it is one that as a dad, that ALL good dads are trying to do because of reason number one. They love their children... they way I love my Sweetpea.
Now time and circumstances have taken me away from my Taylor, and I don't see her nearly as much as I 'd like to. So being an important part of her life is more difficult but it is something that I am still trying to achieve.
And our disagreements are a lot more harsh than an errant "I hate you" while storming out of a Walmart because she can't have a toy she wants. But through all of the amazing highs and difficult lows... all she needs to remember... all ANY child needs to remember when it comes to their dad...
1. Daddy will ALWAYS love you. No matter what. ALWAYS!
2. You can achieve ANYTHING you want when you sets her mind to it. And that your Dad will do anything and everything I can to help you along the way.
August 1, 1999 was the greatest day of my life.... until I win the lottery.
(C'mon Taylor, you have to admit... that would be a pretty cool friggen day, am I right?)
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